


like a dam breaking

by grootmorning



Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Extended Scene, F/M, It's Been a long time coming, John can't help himself, Lots of Touching, Post-Season/Series 01, Thunderblink, he's been good for twelve episodes, mini exploration of john's feelings for clarice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 02:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13401780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grootmorning/pseuds/grootmorning
Summary: John had resisted for so long, and now he never wanted to stop.





	like a dam breaking

John couldn't stop himself. 

He had been resisting it for so long. The urge to touch Clarice, the need to have her near him. John wasn't sure when it had started, but he was acutely aware of the point it had crossed the point of no return. 

The desperate need to go out and look for her when she'd left the Underground was barely contained.  He knew the others had seen it. And away from them, he could feel his entire body trembling with the need to find her. But he didn't care.

He would never have forgiven himself if she had stumbled across her foster home and seen the devastation there on her own. Thank god she didn't. That day, holding her in his arms as she broke down, John felt his own heart crack with every tear she shed. If he could have taken on her pain as his own, he would gladly have done so. 

What was the point of being indestructible if he couldn't protect the one he cared about from a pain he couldn't take away?

But he was lying if he said that a small part of him sang when she was finally in his arms, small and thin, and it felt like he could hold her forever.

And then he'd gone and yelled at her after it was revealed that she'd joined forces with the Brotherhood before coming to them. The betrayal had lanced through him like a hot poker. John knew he was a deeply moral person and it wasn't the first time he had been at odds with people, even within the Underground, for not choosing to take more drastic measures to deal with the people who were coming after them. But it wasn't him, and so long as he was the defacto leader of the Underground, he would not let the people he took care of go down that path. So for Clarice to admit that she was once one of those people, there was just no way for John to understand or accept it.

He thought Clarice had understood him. Was like him.

Turns out she did and she was. He couldn't begin to express the emotions that filled him when he saw her stop the Frost sisters from torturing the man, a human no less. A weight lifted off his shoulders and he felt that maybe he'd judged her too quickly.

This was Clarice. She'd fought alongside them, almost died because of them.

She was who he thought she was. It didn't matter what she did in the past, because it brought her to them, to now, to him.

He had no expectations whatsoever when he apologized to her. He had no illusions about it. All he wanted to do was let her know that he was not angry at her anymore. They were going into a mission that was so dangerous, surrounded by a mass of humans, that John was painfully aware they might not make it out, even with their combined powers. He couldn't have their last words, if they were, be words of anger. Not like this.

Thinking back onto their first kiss, he was glad Clarice took the first step towards him. John didn't think he would have otherwise, he wouldn't give himself the credit. There was always so much going on; one mission, another mission, supply runs, protecting the mutants in their care, arranging for transport, he didn't think he had it in him to be selfish, not when there was already so much on his shoulders. 

But when Clarice dragged him in for a kiss, it felt right. His arms came up naturally, one to cup her face as gently as he could, another to rest around her waist, pulling her as close as he could. And it still wasn't close enough.

Just like that, the moment was over too soon. But he could still feel her soft lips on his. John had stepped away from one relationship due to his responsibilities, but he wasn't sure if he could do that again, not with Clarice.

Everything changed from that moment on.

After all the bullets, the fear, and all the panic, John simply marvelled at the fact that he could just reach out and touch Clarice like he wanted to. And she wanted him to. Clarice was a magnet pulling his gaze towards her, and he ached to touch her. Was she okay? Was she hurt? Was she angry? He wanted to know all this about her more.

She'd reached out in the backseat of the car, pressing light fingers across the holes that the bullets had torn into his suit. They traced over his exposed skin, sweeping over unblemished and unbroken skin. So strong and unbreakable, and yet her touch left him with goosebumps.

Closing his eyes, John pushed away the thoughts of what would have happened if the bullets had hit her instead. He would not let himself think about it. 

"Thank you," she whispered. Did she know? That he did it partly for himself too? To save her for him?

He reached out to brush across her hand with his, holding it to stop himself from shaking. 

-

The small kernel of anger and panic when Lorna's barbed wire fence had struck out against Clarice was so foreign to him. The idea that it was directed at one of his closest friends was even worse. He would not have her in danger again, not again, not so soon. If he could have stepped in front of Clarice to shield her again, he would have, but he wasn't sure that Clarice would have let him.

Before he knew it, he'd reached out for Clarice to drag her back but luckily, Lorna had meant it as a warning rather than an outright attack. Clarice was fine, for now. 

The explosion. It was so loud. Lorna was still screaming. He grabbed onto Clarice and held on for dear life as he watched the plane go down. It was like watching one of his oldest friendships crash and burn along with the plane.

Was it real, it didn't feel real? Feeling her grip tighten on his arm, John tried to let her touch center him. He tried to quell the rising emotions in him but there was little time to address that when the explosion sent them all to the ground.

It barely fazed him. But Clarice - he was up in a couple of seconds, scrambling across the small distance that separated them.

He brushed the dirt off her hair, cradling her face in his hands. "Clarice?" His words were tinged with panic, his eyes checking her over for injuries. She groaned as she rolled onto her back, looking up at him hovering worriedly over her.

"I'm okay," she let him pull her up to a sitting position. "Where's Lorna?"

They watched Marcos running towards where they last saw her in silence and John reached out for her again. He needed to hold her. 

Did it make him a terrible person that one of the thoughts he had while watching Marcos search for Lorna was that he was glad Clarice was still here next to him?

John couldn't stop himself.

-

It was like he was listening to Sage through a thick curtain. There was a roaring in his ears that he couldn't explain. His insides were roiling and rebelling against him and felt like they were going to crush his chest from the inside.

John couldn't breathe.

Clarice looked at him with those green cat eyes of hers, full of concern and sadness, for both him and their situation. John let himself be pulled into the hug, dropping his head onto her shoulder and allowed himself one moment of weakness. The comfort that spread through him at her touch paled in comparison to the dire situation he knew they were all in. But it was a comfort nonetheless and his arm came up to grip tightly onto the back of her jacket, pressing her closer to him. Clarice's unique scent surrounded him as he buried his face into her hair, squeezing his eyes shut. 

He was never going to be able to forget it. And he never wanted to.

John couldn't stop himself. 

Clarice had wanted to melt back into the masses during the meeting, but he'd gripped her hand tight, guiding her to the seat next to him.

"You're one of us now. You've fought alongside us. You are a leader," he'd told her.

The shine in her eyes did not go unnoticed and he coughed, looking elsewhere to avoid looking at her. Clarice pressed a gentle hand to his cheek before sitting down quietly, waiting for the others to shuffle in. Marcos dropped heavily into the seat by his side.

It didn't go unnoticed by anyone that there were only three people in the focus of this meeting, not four.

Clarice's warm presence next to him grounded him, and gave him the courage to begin speaking.

Everything changed again.

Sage, Fade, Mark, even Andy, to see them standing behind Lorna and Esme brought forth a rising panic that he fought to tamp down. John itched to drag Clarice closer, full of an irrational fear that she might leave too, knowing full well that she wouldn't. 

When Andy unleashed his power, she was the first thought in his mind. Not that the building might come down on them, not that Lorna was still stabling the foundations, protecting them, not that everyone else might get buried but that above all else, Clarice needed to get out and be safe.

John couldn't stop himself. 

Sleep did not come easy that night. Marcos had silently given them bunks next to each other as he looked for somewhere near Caitlyn and her family. John had protested initially, but Marcos had mumbled something about needing to talk to someone and Clarice had held him back from going after him.

He let his head sink down onto her shoulder again as they sat side by side, leaning back against the beds. Her fingers came up to stroke through his hair, free from the band currently around his wrist. It was so soothing he could let it lull him to sleep. 

But he didn't want to let it go just yet. 

He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding on as he let the day's events wash over him. Shuddering, John tried to focus on the little nothings that Clarice was whispering to him, trying to comfort him with. Little by little, he forced himself to calm down. There would be solutions, there always would be. There had to be.

They just had to find it. And now they could find it together.

A few minutes passed. Clarice tried to stand, but John wasn't ready to let her go yet.

"John," she tried not to let too much laughter come through but he heard it anyway. "I just want some water."

"In a bit," his voice was still muffled by her shirt. Clarice let her head rest against his. She liked the way her purple hair weaved through his dark strands. They looked nice like that. "Just for awhile."

Her whisper was soft and just for him, "Okay." 

Raising his head finally, John tucked her hair behind her ears. It was second nature now for him to restrain his strength around the others, but with Clarice, it was like he had to be extra careful. He never wanted to hurt her, ever.

His thumb brushed against her cheek, causing her to shiver and press closer to him. John took the chance to initiate the kiss this time, cupping the back of her head with his own large hand to pull her closer. 

Clarice hummed as she kissed him back, tucking her legs over his and her body under his strong arms. It was an innocent kiss, only their second one, but John would be lying if he said it didn't fill him with a sense of calm that superseded all else. 

Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him further down to her and he went willingly. As long as she was near him, he would do anything for her. Pulling back slightly, he pressed another soft kiss to her lips before looking, properly looking at her. Clarice's eyes were still closed, a faint smile playing at her lips. Slowly blinking them open, she pressed another kiss to his cheek before getting up to look for the water she wanted.

Unknowingly, John had stood too, and his hand remained on her back as she wandered out of the room, drawing him with her. 

Now that they were - what they were, John didn't see the need to stop touching her, to stop being with her. It was like something had changed inside of him, and now that he'd tasted what they could be, he never wanted to go back.

John couldn't stop himself. 

-

_Clarice didn't want him to anyway._

**Author's Note:**

> so this was written because we barely had any thunderblink for a few eps and suddenly, after one kiss, we're being fed so good. y'all know this was all pent up in john the responsible leader i'm just putting it out there :)
> 
> i'm still having a meltdown over that finale btw you are welcome to join me at any time
> 
> tumblr: [here](http://ltfrankcastle.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [here](http://twitter.com/ltfrankcastie)


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